Monday, July 16, 2012

A Glimpse Into My Mind

There have been a lot of things on my mind lately. A lot them have seemed to focus around a feeling of not measuring up.

Right now I'm feeling that in almost every area of my life I'm not quite hitting the "mark". I'm not being the best Christian, I'm not being the best wife, I'm not being the best mommy, I'm not being the best homemaker, I'm not being the best friend. On and on I could about all these things I'm starting to feel I'm just failing at.

Yet I know that this elusive "mark" is an impossible standard that I'm trying to hold myself to. While I may say, "Oh it's ok if my housework suffers, because I'm chasing Evelyn around all day" I'm really thinking to myself, "Wow, I really need to get it together! Evelyn's an easy baby, why can't I get some sort of rhythm down?" I know I shouldn't be trying to be perfect, but I find it hard to give myself grace and just let perfection go.

I feel like I have this monumental task of trying to better myself. Don't get me wrong I'm not trying to do it all on my own. I'm praying for the strength and guidance from the Holy Spirit to help me change my areas of struggle. It just seems like once I feel I'm making headway with one personal struggle of mine, another one shows it's ugly head and reminds me that I have so much farther to go.

Being a perfectionist is one of those struggles. I know it's unobtainable, yet I still break my back sometimes to try and achieve it.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Why are we demand so much from ourselves? God doesn't demand perfection, yet we break ourselves down fighting for it!

Is it because down deep we know that we were meant for something more than this? That we were meant for complete and perfect communion with our Father, but sin entered the picture and changed all of that. So instead of living in paradise we have to live in this world with just the hope of paradise to come.

I don't know where I'm going with this post. Mostly I just needed to get these thoughts out of my head, otherwise they just get muddled up in there and make it hard to concentrate on anything else.

How do you find encouragement when you are feeling like you're not measuring up to your personal expectations of yourself? Are there any specific Bible verses that help to center you back to God and His Grace? Have you read any books that have given you more clarity? Please let me know! Either leave a comment or e-mail me.

I hope you all are having a fantastic start to your week!



  1. I am sorry that you are dealing with all those not fun thoughts.

    I just have to remind myself that God is pleased with His daughter and that I truly am doing the best that I can. I remind myself that I do not have to WORK for His love and approval since He has already freely given it to me.

    Sometimes when I feel like a bad wife.. or not living up to what I THINK I should be... I talk to my hubby about it. Tell him how I am feeling. He is usually good and comforting me and pointing to the truth.

    Above all I have to tell myself to NOT believe the lies from the enemy. He wants to steal your joy and destroy your confidence.
    Remember that grace is new every day and joy comes in the morning.

    You will be in my prayers. (:

  2. Those times in your life are always so challenging... But just keep on the posit e side! I would recommend two books.. The first is Joyce Meyers power thoughs.. Transformed me. The second is one thousand gifts by Ann voskamp. Both of these books talk about finding joy in every circumstance and living in the moment for god. They are awesome and defiantly recommend them, especially when you are feeling a little discouraged!

    1. Thanks for the words of encouragement Heather! Everyone seems to be suggesting "1,000 Gifts" so I'm gonna have to read it!

      I hope your week is starting off well!

  3. Sweetie, I would also recommend Ann VosKamp's book, which I have and you can borrow. (It's even a REAL book) It helps me to track the 1,000 gifts and pulls me to the positive. Also, memorization of verses that speak on what God has done for us. My pastor said stop listening to yourself and start talking to yourself. We hear I'm not measuring up, but we need to say I am a child of God's. He adopted me. HE makes me perfect in Christ. We have this sin nature that thinks that even if we are saved we can make ourselves better, on our own. But God says to dwell on Him, draw near to Him, praise Him and glorify Him. It's all about HIM, not me! Love you. And I think you are doing an awesome job at being a mother and wife!!!

    1. Thanks mom! I'd love to borrow that book. Love you!

  4. I feel the same way sometimes. We are called to be perfect, Matt. 5:48, but there's only One who is perfect. So we have this image and this expectation we place on ourselves to strive for the unattainable. I gather from the Scripture that we are always to be striving to become better and be perfect yet we'll ultimately never get there. It keeps us focusing on God and focusing on who He has called us to be, which I believe is exactly where He wants us: with Him on the forefront of our mind and our thoughts everyday. I love Amy Vancamp's 1000 Gifts book and I follow her blog. Focusing on my everyday blessings and joys in my life has helped me become the godly woman One more thing, I think when we run around chasing our children and neglect the home every once in awhile- it's ok! Were giving all of ourselves to our children and they need that from us sometimes :) much love.

    1. *the godly woman God calls me to be. :)

  5. O my, this is so eloquently written. I totally know where you're coming from. It actually reminds me of something I myself wrote -- o! exactly a year ago! -- here:
    I'm so glad to have discovered your beautiful blog, and am now following :)