There have been a lot of things on my mind lately. A lot them have seemed to focus around a feeling of not measuring up.
Right now I'm feeling that in almost every area of my life I'm not quite hitting the "mark". I'm not being the best Christian, I'm not being the best wife, I'm not being the best mommy, I'm not being the best homemaker, I'm not being the best friend. On and on I could about all these things I'm starting to feel I'm just failing at.
Yet I know that this elusive "mark" is an impossible standard that I'm trying to hold myself to. While I may say, "Oh it's ok if my housework suffers, because I'm chasing Evelyn around all day" I'm really thinking to myself, "Wow, I really need to get it together! Evelyn's an easy baby, why can't I get some sort of rhythm down?" I know I shouldn't be trying to be perfect, but I find it hard to give myself grace and just let perfection go.
I feel like I have this monumental task of trying to better myself. Don't get me wrong I'm not trying to do it all on my own. I'm praying for the strength and guidance from the Holy Spirit to help me change my areas of struggle. It just seems like once I feel I'm making headway with one personal struggle of mine, another one shows it's ugly head and reminds me that I have so much farther to go.
Being a perfectionist is one of those struggles. I know it's unobtainable, yet I still break my back sometimes to try and achieve it.
Why do we do this to ourselves? Why are we demand so much from ourselves? God doesn't demand perfection, yet we break ourselves down fighting for it!
Is it because down deep we know that we were meant for something more than this? That we were meant for complete and perfect communion with our Father, but sin entered the picture and changed all of that. So instead of living in paradise we have to live in this world with just the hope of paradise to come.
I don't know where I'm going with this post. Mostly I just needed to get these thoughts out of my head, otherwise they just get muddled up in there and make it hard to concentrate on anything else.
How do you find encouragement when you are feeling like you're not measuring up to your personal expectations of yourself? Are there any specific Bible verses that help to center you back to God and His Grace? Have you read any books that have given you more clarity? Please let me know! Either leave a comment or e-mail me.
I hope you all are having a fantastic start to your week!