The Countdown

The numbers of days till this business is over are slowly counting down. I'm finding it hard to be excited and not just stressed and wanting it to just be done.

Three days till Christmas Eve. On Christmas Eve we are having my parents over for breakfast, we'll go to church at 5:30. Then we'll head over to Nick's parents for dinner and presents.

Four days till Christmas Day. On Christmas Day we'll wake up and open our stockings and presents to each other and have breakfast together. Around lunch time we'll head to my Aunt's house to have lunch and spend time with family. Since it's a Saturday at night we'll go to church like we do most Saturday nights.

Ten days till New Year's Eve. On New Year's Eve we are having over my best friend and her boyfriend to just hang-out and play games and get to know one another since they have only been dating for a month or so.

I know it doesn't seem like much, but it's hard not having a relaxing weekend in over a month. It means both Nick and I are kind of on short fusses so a little bickering can turn into a heated argument. We're both trying to avoid it, but sometimes it's unavoidable. At least the end seems more attainable this week.

Lazy

Today I have tons that I need to get done, but I'm lacking the motivation to even start. Days like these drive me nuts!

I'm a doer. I love having a list of accomplishments that need to be finished before Nick gets home from work or before I have to leave for work. I love checking things off the list and seeing it grow smaller and smaller. I love being able to get everything done and having enough time to do something just for me, like play bass, play piano or watch some mindless reality show on the computer.

I have a God given gifts of loving organization (and being able to accomplish it) and loving housework. Every once and awhile though I just can't seem to be motivated to even begin checking things off my list. Some days I just want to be lazy and no do a single thing but toddle around on the internet, maybe watch a movie or blog about my thoughts.

I don't know why sometimes the first step in starting my day seems so big. I think this month the lack of motivation has to do with the craziness of the season. Every weekend from now until well after Christmas is jam packed with things to do. This weekend we have a Christmas concert Friday night, Christmas in Norfolk, NE Saturday afternoon, a friend wants to go out Saturday night and then church on Sunday. After last weekend being a Drill weekend for Nick it would have been nice if this weekend wasn't so busy.

I guess I'll just start with the most important thing, my time with God, and see if I can rustle up any motivation from that. Here goes nothing!

Wonderful Weekend

I had a great weekend. Which is amazing seeing as though it was Nick's Air National Guard drill weekend. That means he isn't around Saturday and Sunday from 7:00am-4:30pm. Usually that means I have a pretty boring, lonely weekend. But I actually had a wonderful weekend that was quite busy.

Saturday I worked from 8:30am-11:30am. Then I went home had a quick lunch and set out for some Christmas shopping. I bought Nick his stocking stuffers and some art supplies for the project I'm doing with the kiddos I nanny. I got home just in time to get a few things done around the house before Nick got home. We had an early dinner then headed to church. After church we went over to a friend's house to watch the second half of the Big 12 Championship game between our Nebraska Huskers and Oklahoma's Sooners. The game ended up being kind of a disappointment, but it was nice to hang-out with friends. It was a long day, but fun.

Sunday I woke up early and got ready to go to church with my best friend Caitlin and her new boyfriend, whom I had yet to meet. We went to church then all had lunch together with a couple of Caitlin and I's other girl friends. Her boyfriend Quint is a gentleman and treats her with such respect. It's great to see her with such a nice guy. After lunch I headed to my sister's salon so that she could do my hair. Got my hair done and then went home to spend the evening with my hubby.

Though it didn't seem like I had much of a weekend it was nice to be busy. Now I'm headed into a fairly normal week with another hectic weekend. I have a feeling most December will be that way.

Struggles

Today I read the last chapter of "A Wife After God's Own Heart". I had been going through the book for 12 weeks now, one chapter a week. There is a lot I've taken away from it. A lot that I already began to change and work on. But there is one big thing that is my biggest struggle. I have a quick temper and this leads me to snap at my husband.

I've always had a quick temper. Before getting married though I never had that much to get worked up about so I rarely did. Then I got married and started living in close quarters with someone who didn't think exactly like me. This leads me to get very frustrated about little things all the time.

I'm very meticulous and need things done a certain way to feel as though they are done right. Nick is more of a free spirit who goes with the flow and makes things work even if they don't go as planned. This leads to many "arguments" over how he isn't doing something right, because it isn't my way. Don't get me wrong I love my husband dearly and honestly I wouldn't change a thing about him even if I could. Sometimes though he can just get on my last nerve.

Most of the time I am quick to apologize and repair the damage my outburst made and we can move on. Other times I hold on to my anger, for no other reason than my selfish pride, and won't let go of it for the life of me. I allow my anger to get the best of me and it takes on a life of it's own. It's those times I look back on and feel the most ashamed.

I've been trying to be more aware of when I'm being unreasonable, letting my sinfulness rear it's ugly head. Then taking the steps to calm down before things get out of hand. I've also been trying to stifle it at it's source and be in more control over my tongue so that those snide remarks don't come out of my mouth at all.

All of it just feels overwhelming. I don't feel as though I've made any progress. But I guess if there was an easy way to control ourselves without work and help from God, we'd have no reason for Christ's death.

I'm eternally thankful that my LORD is overflowing with grace enough to continue to lift me up and help me along even though I continue to fall.