Monday, December 26, 2011

We Did It!

Well we made it through out super busy Christmas weekend! Also it didn't go too bad. God had some mercy on us and allowed for the curse of the fussy evenings to be lifted for at least the weekend. Maybe we just made it through that stage, but I kind of doubt it.

Here are a few pictures from our first Christmas morning as our little family! Please ignore my pj's and general lack of caring what I look like at 7 in the morning.

Evelyn wasn't all that impressed by presents. Next year should be different. At least by then she will be impressed by unwrapping things and playing with boxes. That's a step up from this year!

A couple of things I've learned this first Christmas with a kid of my own.

1) We will never have to buy our kids toys. Everyone one in our family will take care of that. Evelyn already has more toys then she could ever want and she doesn't even play with any of them yet.

2) I need to be 10x's better about taking pictures! I never have been that good about taking pictures, but now that we have a kid I would really like to have the events of her life documented.

3) That being said about the picture taking, make sure you take those pictures early! Otherwise the brand new onesie that cost way to much money will only get worn once before being ruined by an explosive diaper! (Still crossing my fingers and hoping I can get the stain out. I'm trying my darnedest.)

4) You will completely miss your child after spending a family filled weekend with them. I don't think I held Evelyn for more than 5 minutes (not counting when I was nursing) the whole weekend.

5) Exhausting weekends lead to exhausted babies. While exhausted babies can be a pill to get to fall asleep, once they are out they're out for a long time. Got 7 hours Saturday night! No complaining here!

Now I will leave you will a completely adorable picture of Evelyn & her cousin Drew! (The only one I got of her in her adorable Christmas tutu.)


Thursday, December 15, 2011

Changes: Part 3

Hey look I've made it back. Obviously not the same week, but only 10 days from the last time I posted. I'd say that's pretty good.

I said I wanted to write some more of the changes and struggles I'm dealing with. Honestly after the last time I wrote things started to get better. Evelyn was sleeping longer stretches and going down at night just fine. Well last week about this time things took a drastic turn for the worst. Slowly they are getting better. Only as long as Evelyn is sleeping in bed with us (yes I know you shouldn't do that, but I'm desperate) or sleeping in her swing. Sigh...I don't know how we will ever get her to sleep in her room.

Yesterday though I made a decision. I could either sit and wallow and cry about how much harder this parenting thing is than I thought it would be. Or I could pick myself up and be happy for even just the 15 minutes of napping I could get out of Evelyn. (I forgot to mention she wasn't napping either.) Surprisingly I got a 2.5 hour nap out of her yesterday afternoon. After 3 days of no napping besides 30 minute bursts it was glorious. I just kept telling myself, "Even if I just get 10 more minutes, I'm going to be grateful instead of mad that she didn't sleep long enough." While I'm not expecting that to happen everyday, it was a nice break and I repeatedly thanked God for it.

I'm also trying to make sure I spend time praying when I get those few spare moments to myself. Even if I have loads of other things that I could be getting done I've just realized that I've really been neglecting my relationship with God lately & it's having a negative effect on my outlook on things. So I'm hoping that will keep my spirit encouraged so that I can weather this season of my little ones life.

Now for something I'm very Thankful/Joyful about. Right now my husband is on his way to a job interview. He's had a few of them the last couple of weeks & we're just holding out and trusting that God will give him a job by the end of the month.

Right now the baby is waking up so I'd better be done. Maybe I'll write again next week. We'll see!

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Changes: Part 2

So it's been 5 days shy of a month since I wrote about giving birth to Evelyn. I laugh at the last paragraph that says maybe I'll write again that week. Unfortunately getting time to sit and collect my thoughts enough to compose a blog post with all the other responsibilities I have is pretty lacking. This morning though I woke up before the baby and I'm letting her have another 20 minutes of sleep before I awake her to eat and start the day. So needless to say this will be brief.

My beautiful baby will be 8 weeks old in just 2 days! Time really has flown by. But for some reason in the moment it all just seems to drag and feel impossible. As though it will never end. Especially when there is a cranky baby involved.

I love my daughter with all that is left of my heart after you minus the love I have for My Savior, Jesus, and my husband. I love her, but sometimes I want to give up. This has been my struggle lately.

I know part of it is hormones and I know part of it is sleep deprivation. Another part is the enormous stress of waiting on God to lead Nick to a job. I think most of it though is that I wasn't better preparing myself through prayer and leaning on God before this monumental change happened in my life.

I thought I knew how to trust God. I thought I knew how to trust Him even in hard times. Boy was I wrong. Lately it seems like when things don't go exactly how I've been praying they go I jump to accusing God of not caring and maybe not even existing anymore. Even as those thoughts come to my mind or roll off my tongue I realize I'm completely wrong, but still part of me wants to believe it. Part of me is holding on to the notion that if indeed God doesn't care or doesn't exist then it means everything will be easier to handle, I won't have the extra pain of feeling let down on top of everything else.

Even as I write this out I realize how absurd I sound and how flawed my logic has been the last few weeks. It's almost laughable. I keep eventually (after Evelyn finally falls asleep or I finally decide to forgive Nick after a fight) coming back to God grovelling and asking forgiveness for even letting those doubts cloud my view of Him. He's forgiving and refreshes my spirit. I wish I allowed that to work longer than I do, but I'm trying.

Evelyn is starting to wake up and fuss. Guess she has different ideas than me. At least I got 15 minutes more, I can let the other 5 go.

I'm hoping to be able to get on later this week and finish writing about my struggles and some of my joys! You saw how well I did of that the last time though. So I wouldn't hold your breath. I'm just shooting for getting back sooner then last time. One month is a big window!