Thursday, December 2, 2010


Today I read the last chapter of "A Wife After God's Own Heart". I had been going through the book for 12 weeks now, one chapter a week. There is a lot I've taken away from it. A lot that I already began to change and work on. But there is one big thing that is my biggest struggle. I have a quick temper and this leads me to snap at my husband.

I've always had a quick temper. Before getting married though I never had that much to get worked up about so I rarely did. Then I got married and started living in close quarters with someone who didn't think exactly like me. This leads me to get very frustrated about little things all the time.

I'm very meticulous and need things done a certain way to feel as though they are done right. Nick is more of a free spirit who goes with the flow and makes things work even if they don't go as planned. This leads to many "arguments" over how he isn't doing something right, because it isn't my way. Don't get me wrong I love my husband dearly and honestly I wouldn't change a thing about him even if I could. Sometimes though he can just get on my last nerve.

Most of the time I am quick to apologize and repair the damage my outburst made and we can move on. Other times I hold on to my anger, for no other reason than my selfish pride, and won't let go of it for the life of me. I allow my anger to get the best of me and it takes on a life of it's own. It's those times I look back on and feel the most ashamed.

I've been trying to be more aware of when I'm being unreasonable, letting my sinfulness rear it's ugly head. Then taking the steps to calm down before things get out of hand. I've also been trying to stifle it at it's source and be in more control over my tongue so that those snide remarks don't come out of my mouth at all.

All of it just feels overwhelming. I don't feel as though I've made any progress. But I guess if there was an easy way to control ourselves without work and help from God, we'd have no reason for Christ's death.

I'm eternally thankful that my LORD is overflowing with grace enough to continue to lift me up and help me along even though I continue to fall.

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