Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Completely Exhausted

This holiday weekend was not the least bit restful. Though it was a wonderful weekend and I had lots of fun I could have used some down time. Hopefully next weekend is quiet.

On Friday night Nick and I went with my parents and my niece Drew to her VBS wrap-up event. Drew had tons of fun. She sang her VBS songs and showed us the actions.

Saturday night they were doing the large fireworks display at a local lake. We weren't planning on going, but changed our minds when my mom invited us to join them and her good friend Lorie. It ended up being a very fun night.

Sunday was a busy day of going to church and getting things done around the house. Then around 4 we headed to a friend's 3rd of July Party. It was a fun evening. Lots of bugs, but fun.

Then finally last night we went to my Aunt & Uncle's for their annual 4th of July party. It was fun as it always is. Good food, good fireworks, good drinks, but I can't partake. A good weekend, but like I say far from restful.

On top of the craziness of this weekend being packed with activities I've also been internally dealing with a spiritual issue with a dear friend of mine. This has been culminating for over a year now and has been addressed 2 times before to no avail. My other dear friend and I are going to address the matter again, this time hoping the seriousness of the issue is felt. Sometimes I don't understand the workings of God & sometimes it's really hard to allow Him to use me as He sees fit. Especially when I am facing losing a close friendship. Though I'm confident in what God wants me to do, it doesn't really make it any easier.

I also am struggling with this whole being patient and waiting till October to see my baby. I'm tired of being pregnant already. It's not as though it's been hard, because honestly I've had a really easy pregnancy. It's more to do with the fact I just want to hold my baby in my arms. I still also struggle with the irrational fears of the baby just dying, especially when I don't feel her move for a couple of hours. I'm such a pessimist.

I've just been feeling an overwhelming weight on top of me. I think that's why I feel so completely exhausted right now. I'm stressed and overwhelmed and that's leading to being a bit depressed. It's always been a struggle for me when I get this way to find a way out of it. My plan is to lean on God completely and allow Him to take the reigns. I've gotten too confident in my own ability to handle things lately and I think that's why I feel so out of control. But I'm at the point where I concede yet again to God that I can't do anything without Him!

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