End (Not Really) of a Very Long Week

This past week has been hectic. Thursday night of last week we started to tape, sand and prepare our bed room to be painted. Paint was a spur of the moment idea Labor Day weekend. I saw an ad for True Value that had gallons of paint buy one get one free. So we decided to go that route. We finally finished the finishing touches yesterday. So we can move back into our room this weekend. Oh did I forget to mention our bed has been in our living room for the past week! That made for not getting much sleep. We honestly only used about 1/2 of the paint we bought. One gallon of the blue and 2/3 of a gallon of cream. This means we have enough to paint the other bedroom. We're going to do it opposite though; cream walls and blue trim. I'll post pictures when we have both the rooms finished.

On top of the craziness of paint and being displaced from our bedroom work picked up again for me. The fall sessions of gymnastics started Monday night. It's going really well and I'm glad. Hopefully things continue to run smoothly. So far there isn't any classes that just make me want to rip my hair out, but it's only the first week and I have yet to meet my Saturday classes.

The reason this crazy week doesn't end yet is because it's Drill Weekend. Ugh! I can't stand drill weekends. Once the weekend comes I'm just ready to spend some quality time with my hubby, but drill weekend robs me of that. This weekend is not only drill weekend but jammed full of evening things we need to do, at least on Saturday. Saturday night a friend of Nick's from high school is getting married and we're going to celebrate with them. It should be fun, but we'll have to be the old married people that don't want to stay out too late because we both have to get up in the morning; Nick for more drill and me to go to church.

On a bight side this weekend is my best friends birthday! I'm probably not going to be able to make it to her party Saturday night, but we are having a girls lunch on Sunday after church. I'm pretty excited. It's fun to spend time with my friends on their birthdays.

I'm just praying we can make it through this super long week and make it to next weekend which is our short break before Nick has yet another drill weekend.

Today Is A Hard Day

I try not to complain. I really try to be as positive as possible at all times. This comes from the very dark periods of depression I've been through. My life has been short in the scheme of things, but I've had some really dark and long periods of debilitating depression. I have been blessed by God in that I haven't been that depressed in well over a year. I think it's about a year and half now.

I've also been blessed that about 6 months ago I realized what I long to do with my life. I want to devout my life to being a stay-at-home mother & wife. I also long to home school my children just as I was. I always kinda knew this is what I was made to do, but I listened to too many outside voices & not enough to God's. Too many people said that I needed a career and that I wouldn't be happy just as a mom. I know now though that I'm going to feel completely and utterly fulfilled the day I become a mom. I feel fulfilled now, but I can tell that I'm not doing exactly what God has created me to do.

That's why today is hard. Today I'm just down about the fact that I long to be a mom. Nick isn't ready to be a dad and I understand that. When we got married we talked about how it would be years until we had kids. God has changed my heart and I'm trying to wait patiently as he speaks to Nick's. But it's hard. I find myself sometimes being very resentful of the fact that Nick isn't ready. He says we can start trying at the beginning of the year. That way there is no possible way he could still be in the National Guard when we would finally have a baby. To me I just want to take the step of trusting God that it will happen when it's His Will. Which to me means that I go off birth control and just trust Him. Trust Him that He will work everything out. I know that a silly little pill can not thwart God's Plan, but it just feels like we are still trying to control it ourselves, which seems wrong.

I just needed to vent. Get my feelings out. Honestly I feel a little better. Today will still continue to be hard though.